bloodREDwhite

LIVING IS FOR THE DEAD

2011-09-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

I judged the distance , we appeared so close but I was light years away. The doctor told me its very normal ,oh very normal indeed. I was crying in a cupboard of my youth in the dark hoping that somehow this would all end. I begged and prayed to you God , I prayed and prayed but nothing .......just that very familiar silence. Turning the keys in the ignition and hearing the motor start I could feel the wild freedom of speed. I was going to move away from where I was and that meant so much. I sped without a thought for the lives of others, pfffft., the lives of others. what funny words. I sped as fast as I could down the long highway till I saw a girl and I stopped. again I was still. I felt the pains begin again. I was so tired of the pain . the purpose of movement is to find repose. i find a mad stilllness and a sad stillness. i looked over at where the girl had been but she had moved on.
It was windy and dark I struggled to large tree, and stood by it close by and breathed heavily. at it. its branches swayed sweetly in the wind the wind through the leaves made me feel it. that feeling i was searching for. it felt right because it was nature and instinct and nothingness whispering itself to me and I understood, i UNDERSTOOD ALL IS NOTHING., I spent the rest of the black night under the tree smiling and wishing the sun would never rise but it fucking did,. and I was furious. the wind stopped aND then it began. Them humans and their lives. Traffic jAMS, office zombies,polite drones that I fear and hate. I know that I must keep moving moving moving because theyre evrywhere and I know I know from the very bottom of my honest soul they do not live but brerathe aN AIR SO FOUL i must find a place to hide far away. I know they are dead, why do I live?How do you die like they do without noticing. I want them all to die, I know the fire will come and they will eat themselves and I will happily watch them all burn in the Apocalyptic fires. oh what a lovely day oh what a wonderful day it would be.

I am Unwell

2010-09-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

I am unwell. Blocked and black. Heartbroken and cracking in the head.

The dreams of death keep returning.

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2010-09-19T02:09:00.000-07:00

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the stare

2010-09-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

It was the last time and the last fucking chance. All his shots at utopia had failed miserably. An inkling. Tiny but sure niggled in his gut. "I can do this. Not I must but I can ,not can now but I fucking will. I will do it. I must its the last time. No not must. I can. I will!" He is taken over.

He picks up the ball. Focusing on the basket. Attempting correction for all possible outcomes, once twice and now again. He finally looks hard and fast at the basket. Looks down at the ball. This time in minutae careful measurement he raises his torso and lifts the arms in one perfect motion eyes bulge open and he takes the shot.

In slow motion. The balls parabolic trajectory seems to be right on the mark , it slowly spins through the tense air. The shot is on track as it approaches the basket.

Very slow motion. The ball very slowly reaches the hoop. it is going in. There is even a hint of a smile in the boy. The ball is going in. its going in!!
But a shudder deep and celestial reverberates and chills their bones and cracks the walls and shakes the hoop.
"What was that then?"
" Ive seen this once before ' a greybeard announces.
" The Void Smiles At The Boy!"
He has missed the shot.

Three days Later

Midnight Storms blow heavily across the fields and the oceans redblooded rage against the shore.
Masses of people herdlike tread towards the ocean cliffs against the gales, inanimate and mechanically. The first lines of the herds approach the cliff and suddenly stop.
The boy is there at the very front. He alone steps to the very edge of the abyss. He raises his head into the gale and stares out into the vast horizon. It is a beautiful sight. He breathes in the heavy waves of air blowing . The redblood sea shines like a luminous grand spectacle. The bloodlight reflects in his eyes and cheeks.
A sudden great loud yawn causes them all to press hands to ears.
Near the bottom of the cliff exactly below the boy a whirlpool of black nothing begins to swirl. Its edges rise up the cliff. The swirl of nothing black as midnight seems to hover and sneer at the boy. It looks at the herds and smiles. Somehow eyes form upon the VOId and turning to the boy he is forced to stare at them. The boy terrified looks away. For some reason he begins to calm and he finally turns to The VOID. The Void And the Boy just stare at each other, not in anger but in some kind of wrestle. The hordes look up from their hypnotic state in great wonderment at what is taking place.
The Boy no longer fearful even a little confident begins to try and stare down the eyes of the Void. A mistake boy. Wrong my son. The Void wanted this to happen. A monstrous and hideous laugh is excreted by the VOID when the Boy seems to have got too confident. The Void stares at the boy with fury and the boy in complete terror averts them again.
The Void moves away from the cliff and slips down into the ocean. It spreads out into a very wide circle. All Attempts at Utopia have failed. Now the hordes can only wish for their own destruction. They need no reason. The boy first and the most pained of all takes his time then falls into the Abyss that is there before him. A pause. Then in lines the rest of the human race in tread towards their destiny.
To finally drop into the Smiling Void and Be free of Existence forever.

Arvo Pärt - Spiegel Im Spiegel!

2010-07-28T05:21:00.000-07:00

Adagio For Strings

2010-07-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

MY DEAR LADY- redux

2010-07-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

He flicked his long brown fringe out of his left blue eye. He looked to the heavens for a repreive from the devastation and apocalypse engorging itself on his perception. Around he scanned to make sure he was alone . He knew the people had gone but when. He had to make sure. Yes . He was alone. He screamed like Fury.
Dropped . The sand like Valium was frozen. Damn deserts.
Turned his gaze to the sky. Holy Lord he saw implosions of blue atmosphere, levels of placental pure azure enfolding in upon itself. Swirls of clouds immersed itself in explosive collapse. He flicked back his fringe again. Rubbed his eyes. "MY GOD!" What happened? Did I do something ? What was it that I did? A certain unwanted stubborn type of guilt began to seep up his spine and into his cancerous bowels.

The sun was setting blown out of all proportion . Its size equaling the planet. No heat though. Just blinding light. blood orange. Like flesh and blood. Eyelid skin felt melting in the light.

The sky was now vermillion . Yes bloodred. Like a sickening deadly heartbreak.
Half the world was now in night.
Weighed down by colossal shame with his last ounce of inner strength he looked to the West horizon.
What?! Another ! Wings of aN Angel?!!
He rubbed his blurring eyes.
A silhouette of a mighty outstretched angel . Angel of the West
Each time he had the strength to look up she seemed closer until she finally stood monolithic before him.
His soul howled.
To himself whispered " My fucking God it is her she has come to destroy me. Why? Why did I fuck with the laws of True Love? Why did I ? Why??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A voice, more heavenly and beautiful than Light whispered " I was sent for. I will not destroy you. Forgive yourself."

The man looked up to the angel, her eyes. She was her. He broke her heart. Its HEr!!!!!!!!!! His Tears flowed forth. His sobbing resounded throughout the universe. He cried till all his water gone. " forgive me!!"

The Angel voice whispered " I forgive you. ..... I love you."

Tears of blood waterfalled upon the sand. HE smiled and howled " MY DEAR LADY"

Collapsed in black and dead. A dead smile.

The angel lifted the guilt filled corpse and flew to the Sun.

Voice of the future

2010-07-09T00:59:00.000-07:00

I speak to you directly from my darkest nightmares and vermillion prophecy.
Listen. It is a dark intuition.
the future yells great upheaval .
A Vile thief.
CHaos.
A demon he smiles. Out of his shadow.
He steps into the Order.
Chaos wondrous and maddening
A friend with a fiends delight.
it is the Hour.
Destroyd but not distraught
For I see
A lark. mourning in the morning.
Dew, nights tears
shine in the first sunrise.
Of the LAst Night
Paradise.
Now. Time of ThunDER.
He Mighty stands Alone above the CLouds.

Smiles. For we are No More

The End.

I love andreas baader- the last chapter

2010-06-28T03:29:00.000-07:00

Ulrike and Andreas ran back to the fellowship. Time to act. Everyone grabbed as many weapons as they could carry. The dwarves pushed the others out of the way to be the first. These werent cute juggling dwarves anymore. They were ugly angry murderous juggling dwarves now. One of the littlest ones even pounded his chest in a show of battle readiness. They smelt blood and they felt engorged.. We all became like that.
Andreas then gathered us in a circle.. He looked deeply into each of our eyes one by one with beautiful mad brooding eyes. I blushed. We all blushed.. He was so goddam unbridled. I thought he was going to ready us for the task ahead but it was unbelievable. When he looked at his mad band of heroes something inside him broke especially after one of the dwarves gave him the V for victory sign (which Andreas could barely make out the fingers were so small).
Andreas started to sob. He collapsed into a bundle on the street. Just Staring and sobbing at the ground shamefaced.. Grabbing his hair in exasperation.
"I cant do this"
I cant let any of you do this"
"I wont murder these foul pigs"
"I just wont"
"I dont want my beautiful juggling dwarves to die", he sputtered. One of the dwarves couldnt help himself he burst out crying as well like a puppy with its tail caught in the door.
We all stood there there with our bombs, grenades and machine guns stunned.
Woman rolled her eyes.
"You bitch andreas. You always do this."
" It doesnt matter. You have been chosen and predestined to do this. It has already been written."
" But inside I am really just a peacelover. I just want to be an ordinary hippy. I want to smoke pot and be happy and fuck all summerlong while listening to Bob Dylan with burning frankincense incense. ... Oh yeah and I would love to drop acid. alot" Andreas whimpered
" Dont fuck with history andreas!. get the fuck up and lets kill these fucking pigs!" Woman shouted
Still staring at the ground entangled in emotion he did not move. But then a fast sudden body jerk.
Like some mysterious sudden transformation Andreas shot up. His eyes were dry and he was himself. Without a word he employed all the weapons he could carry. He looked at the restaurant across the road where the bankers were dining.
Like a king he shouted out " Lets go kill us some filthy motherfucking banker swine!!"
I love Andreas Baader. I always will.
The dwarves all yelped with joy in unison. Barby kissed him. I waited for him. He looked up at me. He knew what I wanted. He walked over and kissed me on the forehead
" Till the end my brother"
"Till the end" I whispered in his ear. Barby sneered .

A restaurant full of people. Stuffing their rich mouths. One of the best restaurants in Europe. The bankers all seated at one huge table laughing and indulging like filthy swine. There were ten. One of them the fattest and most smug lifted his arm to call the waiter for more wine.
"Er excuse me excuse me waiter. ... waiter! wait....errrrr". He didnt finish the sentence for at that moment a bullet blew out half his brain which landed on the truffles. The first shot fired by the smallest juggling dwarf went straight to its target. With the machine gun still planted against his little head he smirked in bloody satisfaction.
" Oh no, not the truffles" one of the other bankers screamed"
"Oh shit" another said.
"Waiter can you please come over and clean this idiots mess up" the waiter looked aghast.
"But sirs he has just had his head blown off"
"What is your point waiter. Just clean this up" the waiter ran to the kitchen and out the back door.
Andreas burst throught the doors like a madman.Scanned the room and found his targets. He joyntully skipped up to the bankers, pushed one and his plates contemptuosly out of the way and jumped up on the table. He looked down at them all in disgust one by one. He raised his machine gun, pointed it at the drinking banker in front of him and fired like fuck into him. The head flew clean off. Blood gushed everywhere.
" What do you want andreas cant you leave us alone to eat?" one of the irritated bankers said,
Andreas looked at him in amazement.
" Are you fucking serious pig?".
" Im asking to please allow us to enjoy our meal"
Andreas looked at him with such menacing insane hatred the Devil smiled.
So enraged, Andreas pulled out a grenade flipped the pin and grabbed the idiots face, and proceeded to ram it down the bastards throat. Andreas dived away. The banker exploded into pieces all over the other bankers and the other diners. The bankers just looked and silently continued to drink and eat away.
Andreas got up. Suddenly a shot rang out from the foyer. It hit Andreas and he fell. It was one of their bodyguards. The fellowship who were beseiging the rest of the restauarant all ran over. Barby reached him first.
She held him. "My Love"
The four dwarves went ballistic. They started firing in all directions at anyone. People were being blown away everywhere. Woman joined in the chaos and threw grenades at anyone as well. The humans were all just pieces of flesh and bone on food or on the floor. I picked out the bodyguard who shot Andreas.I took a good aim at the bodyguards forehead and shot a missile straight into his head which blew into pieces. But as this happened more of them arrived
Andreas was hurt but he got up. Kissed Barbie felt her cute ass and started firing at anyone as well. One of the bodyguards took out one of the dwarves and then another and then another and then another. My God they were all shot down dead like some realistic gungame at the circus. The remains of the fellowship ran to them but it couldnt be. There were no little juggling dwarf bodies. Woman suddenly realised she was not the only one. They shifted their position in the time space continuum. They didnt just juggle after all. Andreas smiled. I smiled. Barby looked confused.
There were still some bankers alive. They got up from the floor and went back to their table and started eating again. This time Woman took the opportunity. She raised her massive weapon and turned the last banker into a mess of blood and bone. She smiled. A policeman who ran in whimpering took a lucky shot and somehow hit Woman right in the head. I threw the rest of my grenades at the policeman. He exploded. Andreas, Barby and I used up the last of our ammunition on the few surviving diners. It was wonderful. It was sexual. I was in divine ecstacy. We all looked out the window and saw that the cops had the place surrounded.
"What now?" Barby asked in terror
.Andreas like some demigod just looked at her and smiled.
" We're going out the front door. Dont ask questions just do it"
I love Andreas Baader
Like a slaughterhouse the restaurant floor was covered with human flesh and bone. The confused stunned police paralysed by what they had witnessed waded to the kitchen in a foot of blood screaming the whole time.
We walked, no strutted out the front door. Cops surrounded the restaurant. There were hundreds.
"Put up your hands or we will fire"
We kept walking.
" We're warning you one last time. Put up your hands!"
Andreas signalled to stop. We stopped. Hundreds of guns pointing in silence. Dead quiet. Time lurched.
It was too much.
"It's time to give yourselves up!"
Long silence.
Then an anamoly. Andreas raised his head to the heavens, a strange light shone on him from above and in the voice of an angel he harked the most purest holiest divine perfect poem in the history of mankind. ( I am not at liberty to divulge the words for they are not mine to divulge). Time stopped.
He then signaled to us to walk on . We walked on past the police past the bystanders and out to freedom. The police did nothing in the dead silence. They could not move or speak.

2010: Two people sit in a Parisian cafe. The man handsome, the woman painfully beautiful. They smile at one another. They kiss and hold hands. Another man walks by and smiles and waves to them. The man winks the woman smiles. In the square four juggling dwarves perform to a crowd of lame worldlings. The handsome man walking, waves to the dwarves as well. They dont wave back for they are juggling. But they blow him a kiss. All in unison.
At the cafe the man says to the painfully beautiful woman
" I think its time for a revolution baby."
The woman smiles " I love you Andreas Baader"

I

I love andreas baader - possibly the last chapter.

2010-06-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

It was finally time to get down to business. The fucked up midnight romancing was over . The poor juggling dwarves didnt like that one bit. Andreas had finally made contact with his contact, Underground Man. I was over the moon. A break in the time-space continuum permitted this. Its true. So At last the use of true force against the evil bankers. The fuckers blanketing the innocent millions in pure darkness since the inception of the Free Market whose beginning a few years after the year Adam Smiths book on the 'free hand' everyone read and completely misunderstood. Instead of reading his book on ethics . It was TIME, my brethren! The four dwarf jugglers had now channelled their extreme sexual angst into a maniacal hatred for anything with the word bank in it. Andreas and his charm had won them over since Andreas against every surly fibre in his body had tenderly kissed them all on the forehead so they could fall asleep unfazed. I love Andreas Baader.
" Get your shit together boys. This fucker is going down. Underground Man told me where a group of bankers will be in an hour"
" What about us?" Barbie the Tribeswoman whined in.
"Oh fuck no women!. ..... wait. Strike that reverse it. This is the 70's isnt it. Shit I forgot. Ok your coming" said AndreaS.
Barbie smiled at his change of heart.
" Hang on I aint going anywhere. My makeup will get spoilt?" piped in Starlet one
" Fuck off then darling" Andreas shot back so sarcastically and with such a comic flair bowed her exit on that the four juggling dwarves burst out laughing who for the last time undressed Starlet One with their eyes as she and her sweet hot ass walked off in the direction of the coming Apocalypse.
Exeunt Starlet one
Andreas grabbed Barbie by the hand .
"Lets do this my love"
She was beaming. I and the four dwarves eyed off Barbie jealously. Goddam it he always does this. Goddam Andreas and his lovable charm. The motherfucker. God I love Andreas Baader. God the four juggling dwarves love Andreas Baader.

We walked swiftly. We got to the location. I couldnt believe my eyes I saw the four juggling dwarves juggling on the corner of our intended location as if mocking the concept of linear time. I looked behind me expecting to see them there but alas they had somehow flown through time. Andreas and Barbie looked at me bugeyed. I returned the look. Silence. There was more to these dwarves than just juggling. We were sure of that.
When the dwarves saw us come they stopped juggling and ran with small steps to give us all a big hug. Those sweet goddam little bastards. They walked us over to a large skip bin.
Inside was a huge array of bombs and machine guns and juggling equipment.
"Wheres Underground Man?' Andreas asked
The leader whom we now know as Celtigar replied " He had to go help his mother with her crossword puzzle"
" Not again'
Celtigar announced " There is a woman behind that door". (No other names of dwarves shall be uttered on these pages for a curse would be unleashed on all who read the four names in one sitting). he pointed to a medieval red door that looked out of time and space.
"She says she know you" Celtigar whispered. Barbie sneered.
Andreas pulled a machine gun from the bin. He began towards the red door.
The four dwarves all held each other with tiny shakes in expectation.
I knew who she was though. She was and always will be. Her name will only be said once. Ulrike.
Andreas had by this time reached the door. He slowly put his hand on the knob. He turned it. It opened slowly. No body. He couldnt see anybody.
" Hey boyfriend"
Andreas looked up. On the ceiling Ulrike stood upside down. ( I know her name would only be said once but well i was wrong)
Andreas beamed.
"There you are"
" Ive just come from 1789. Everything went to plan"
"Goodo baby. Now lets do this job."
"Ok"

brother of dread

2010-06-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

stagnating. A Monument. Staring Into the unknown. WAtchers. Not frightened of light. I run away. To be gone.
Lost.

I saw such a shocking vision of despair : Brother Dread stands by me. He stands by me. He will stand by me, Brother Dread.
Rejected . Hide in shame and humiliation. It covers like water. A wave of emotion. . A heavy sea.
Be brave. Be a fighting man. laugh at the sorrow. man of constant sorrow.
Brother Dread whispers" Where were you last night?"
" I went for a drive , Tyre blew out!"
He whispers "did you have a spare?" .

Sweat pours off my temples.
Insane shadowboxer. Lonely is a choice. A man who knew . Not to fight . In victorious flannel.
Leaned quivering with insight. Thinking of fast cars. An indestructible disease. Insanity. Predestined friend of Space and Time.
Eternal.
vainglorious and ultrafashionable, he thought
The dishes need to be washed again. But still the Smart alek desire to be the president
Once bloodthirsty for Love. All now lost to Inescapable despair, a trembling Romantic.

Speeding on the abandoned spiritual superhighway . Bang the direction twofisted in agony. In Step to the beat of gastrointestinal heartbreak.

Just a journalist of overindulgent self interest. Oh The pen dont work again. .
Sophisticated despondence unravelled by luck. Redblooded regression to warriortoy. Use tissues, be regular and polite and all the worlds yours.

Obligated to mutilate health. From an empty wallet he withdraws his last notes. You need milk and bread. Put it in the fridge.

Warm hearts in his locality freeze.

Brother Dread. Oh brother
Let me mineralise into a monument.
A heroic netherman.

Go now brother.

People wave .

Children run home

SPIRIT AWAY

baabaa black sheep

2010-06-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

They all just sat there and glared. Unseeing and perverse in their moral judments. Anticipating and participating in only the uttlerly banal.. oh you good good sheep. If your so good why do you let yourself be led such a bad shepherd? Confronted by a dreamer living in the future you sit back and glare. Like sheep. BAaabaaabaabaabaabaabaabaaabaabaabaabaabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbabababbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Ignorance is bliss. Little brains need little thoughts. Insights of infinite magnitude terrify your woolly souls. Fucking sheep fucking sheep why do you always ignore me?

There they all sat. he at the front on the medieval hill staring out over the peasant town with gay abandon. A vanquished dreamer who was once their leader lay motionless, demoralised by failure of the commonpeople to heed the tyrants mad warnings.

He lulled in the verdant green brook like John Keats on heroin dying to make contact with popular minds. The sheep whisper " hes too dark. hes too upsetting. hes so flipping immoral"

Finally acknowleding ther utter futility of spiritualising the retarded. he turns to the chestnut cow and screams " ignorance is bliss" chestnut cow concurs and continues to chew the oh so green grass.

He thinks back on his time as a foetus in the sunlit womb. Putting out his foetal finger as a non human to touch the sun. The sleepy warmth fills his head with toxic dreams of the horrors that are to come when he must leave this sunny pool and face the derelict sheep who are so stupid and sallow like the feilds."

times up the tv is on again

bloodREDwhite: I love andreas baader part 2

2010-06-08T07:19:00.000-07:00

toneboss.facebook.com. bloodREDwhite: I love andreas baader part 2

I love andreas baader part 2

2010-06-08T04:26:00.000-07:00

Dear andreas Oh how I do dearly love you, you wonderful antiestablishment heroic warrior. I love you for destroying all those capitalist stongholds in the 70's , no one came to help and you and sweet Ulrike and sexy Gudrun were left to do all the dirty work while those silent watchers who took no action silebntly wished you won but couldnt present like heros. What was it Horst said about you the supergang of anticapitalist terrorists " It was six against six million.". I love you Andreas.

The babyfaced dwarf jugglers pressed smugly against each other as they bugeyed and smiling watched Andreas make a very serious phone call.l yes a very serious phone call. They understood that and they didnt make a sound. Except for the dwarf in the middle who while watching with wild curiosity Andreas' every move suddenly sneezed loudly.

I watched on old Yugo sputter past. I fancied now that Andreas made contact we would be finalising plans for our next attack on those filthy pigherd bankers. Alas aghast I stood and stared in astonishment at him as he started to make quick chat and laugh with obviously some lady on the other line. THe lazy bastard wants to watch the four dwasf jugglers go apeshit over Starlet One who he somehow has made contact with.

Midnight the next day.

Andreas and I were watching the lovely ladies walk up and down busy Berlin city nights. They were of course only waiting for the one and only, Starlet One. You should have seen them, four cleaned and pampered red shirted four dwarf jugglers all excited to the bone. They even put on a wonderful cute juggling show at 11pm in Karlmarx Strass. They were just too excited to just sit and wait.

Just then not one but two beautiful blonde bombshells appeared like angels of light from the foggy night. The band of merry makers jumped as high as they could which wasnt very high. The two approached and Starlet one introduced herself as Starlet One. Andreas as usual went in hard with a big kiss and a hug. I was much more controlled and just kissed her on the cheek and slapped her on the ass. It was all in good fun. Oh God the dwarves were uncontainable they were shaking with sheer anxiety.

Starlety One walked up to them and said " OH How Cute" The dwarves didint like being patronised but they dismissed it immediately as they were getting closer to the only sexual excitement they would ever have. They all smiled beamingly as lovely Starlet One gave them all abig huge kiss on the forehead. Theyw ere smiling for days after.

But who in the hell was the new lady. Andreas being the great hero warrior he was walked straight up to her and said politely as all hell " Hi lovely woman my name is Andreas. " She looked him up and down. Paused. Brushed her beautiful staight blond hair back and whispered' My name is Barbie the Tribeswoman" All the dwarves all just shivered. I even had to brace my arms in anticipation. Oh oh oh this was was hot hot hot. Pity the poor misguided fool who took her charms for granted. I even tried to get a word in and said " Hi Barbie my name is Tone" She quickly shot back

"Barbie the tribeswoman '

"sorry of course of course darling." Goddam it I defered to her , man oh man she will think Im weak and submissive. But shes wrong so wrong. I love to take possession of the beautiful blonde and make her all mine. But Im just anxious when I first meet them. Thats all.

Anyway Andreas was off kissing beautiful Starlet One in front of the horribly jealous dwarves. They were waiting for her beautiful obsession to take place and their red shirts would at last permit their first and only sexual encounter.

I put my arm around Barbie the Tribeswoman and she immediately smacked it off. It was going to be a fucking long night. I just wanted to kill some bankers thats all. But look at me. Me Sitting here with four juggling dwarves all horny as fuck.

I love Andreas. The lucky bastard.

I love andreas baader

2010-06-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

Dear andreas
Remember when in the soft warm autumn of Berlin we went a walking out . I glimpsed in you; a hunger. You raged for love. You raged for love from an absent father. you yearned for deep fatherly love. a love greater than the fatherland. Fate refused. you looked like you were meant to be somebody. You looked hungry for the love of The FAther laND, Yes you were a fool but you were more so much more. I cry now when these memories flood MY BAnks. You were so sad. ANd weary. at age 17 you bludgeoned your best friends uncle into a pulp for callling you a bastard. I love you andreas baader.
Whence from the shoulder of the sunlit hill lurched four dwarf jugglers from Romania. I asked you andreas yes I asked you what can a superior terrorist organistaion superior to all modern german strategic defenses what could such a superb group of ultra freedom fighters do with a quadruple of Romanian dwarf jugglers.
You looked deep deep into my burning eyes and said so silently and sweetly " They can help us over the walls!!!" po faced like an innocent child. I yelped in reflex surprise. People sniggered. I grunted . you snorted.. some cocaine. we were all good. I had a snort just for safeties.
I love cocaine dont you sheep? baabababaababababbaaaaaaaa
The dwarves like beautiful children followed us. Yes us. They were not as innocent as youd think they had taken part in a 1967 demonstration against DRUID whose name amounted to the translation as unethical treatment of jugglers of the dwarf size.Some of their fellow dwarf jugglers were killed in the titanic struggle. theres no irony intended there.
andreas always kissed me on the forehead when he said " goodnightz'. tonight was no different from any other. He came at vespers and proceeded to seal another of his otherwordly kisses on my forehead. I smiled. I looked toward the dwarves. They were looking up in anticipation of some further course from andreas. He looked at me bemused.
" whats all this about then
i think the dwarves want something my andreas
what do the dwarves want tone
i think the dwarves want their midnight kiss too
but ive never met them before. i GODDAM DONT KNOW WHO THE FUCK THESE FUCKERS ARE
settle down andreas
settle down
what the fuck
the dwarves were very upset by this outburst
they started to kind of yelp like litle puppies.
I started to weep
Andreaas couldnt take it anymore. He grabbed each of the dwarves by the armpits lifted them up to his lips and kissed them on the forehead. in exactly the same spot I recieved my midnight kiss.
The dwarves fell asleep minutes later.
Andreas looked up surly, looked at me and then smiled cheekily.
I wil always love andreas for that
The next day we were on a mission to kill those dirty filthy swine fucking no good evil bankers. I for one couldnt wait to see their blood spill. Filthy fucking parasites. Fuckin bankers, it was pure bloodlust. Even after all these years I dont feel guilty. those cunts should all be dead.
Fascinating, we each opened our sour eyes at the same time raised our heads at exactly the same height looking at the other opposite and then suddenly burst into laughter. a dwarves laugh is much like an angry gooses. I looked over at Andreas who was actually right next to me. He stared quite strangely with a dangerous lilt. I flinched like a girl and he punched me in the chest and I trying to present as if it didnt hurt, laughed along in complete betrayal of my own deep and unvalidated wounded child. I wont lie. oh no not I. Thief and Liar, Tone. I can tell you very honestly well it didnt hurt. I just made that up because this had to be said. I know you are struggling with the course of this story but you see i have interrupted the narrative flow to anger your sensitive perceptions and make you possibly feel the deep hurt and anger at the invalidation I was at the mercy of in these our sad sorry times. I demanded a recount and was blindly dismissed by all including those cute but nastly juggling dwarves you are all so fond of by now. And onwards we continue.
In the meantime i heard one of the dwarves mention the name of an actress who liked to have sexual encounters with strangers who wore red shirts at the time of her fancy taking control (the next day all the dwarves wore red shirts). One of the dwarves looked deadly serious. the other seemed to be moving his hand nonchalantly around his crotch for some unknown reason. Dwarves are actually dickless. I learnt that from my doctor friend. This doctor preferred to remain anonymous. But fuck him. You and I the people of The United Depths Of Dementia all know him as the ever popular and always entertaining, Dr. Feelgood. The best doctor of all. Why I hear some ignorant fool ask itself? Because you ignorant fool he gives you the drugs you ask for, not the ones that cant alter your state of mind.
Dr Feelgood if you read this I am very sorry but his had to be done. I have moved from my old address so no you cant come over and bludgeon my large brains out.
The name of the actress was Starlet One.
She was siting alone at the Cafe Downunder sipping on her flappucino. She wore a stunning red dress that made mad bulls in the market even angrier. She held the pose of a very confident and untouchable movie . star. Yes I know, she is one. What Im trying to say corrector, is that she would have held that pose even if she wasnt one you interrupting idiot. There are many voices but only one true light.
She sat leaning to one side smoking on a cigarello like a french film actress. Dont go there corrector!. She sat smiling occasionally to herself looking at her watch intermittently as if she was waiting for somebody. Only she knew there was no one coming. She was alone. She sat alone. She was like.... lonely.

wishing well wish you well

2010-04-23T02:07:00.000-07:00

the silence. can you hear ? friend to all and best of mine. a heartfelt void of desire which the earthbound can never satisfy.I look out to the billion strong virus and scream at the wall of flesh. pulsing bursts of need and anxiety. furiously waiting to devour the all on which it feeds.
stand alone to watch the protein dna force its violence upon the innocent wood and earth.
it stood alone in silence. a watcher in the shadows. A watcher waiting to save the redeemable few. the time is coming. a war then silence. away with you. I no longer have time for the ape. a rejection of faith is what was now needed. the kings and their ladies will die of shame . the immutable many in darkness will fall.
it wasnt long before he had realised that the birds of prey dressed up in lace looming large on the horizon stared dead eyes at the humorless citizenry. What a glad time it was for the pastorals. their land had saved them from the doom. grass of jove was loved and now nature of god loved back. the good souls arose from the darkness into the suns eye. sunbeams reigned on the cloudy fields of gold.God rays speared clouds and entered the hearts of the remaining good transforming them into supermen. they flew with speed across the dark cities and turned them to ruins. in the city blocks, a friend of mine who liked to wear suits was last seen being pushed out of a high rise building by his fellow office clerks who thought he wanted to die. he never looked back but screamed in terror as his face disintegrated on the sidewalkof new york instead of spiritually smiling at his eternal return .
I am alone. ANd I am nearly gone. say goodbye to homer for me. wont you boys

nameless brood

2009-09-10T19:44:00.000-07:00

a friend of the unseen was delivered to the black liquid . A chosen few only ever knew that in the bloody dark , green leaves bloomed out of time in the Forest of forests the Unseen glided among us. " Continue your Love to those who hate you". But a elderly urban peasant from the back of the room spit forward "" hang on hang on hang on, I love my chums who like me, I hate the fiends" Our sweet spectral friend lit up with loving chaos and whispered" Old man shut up you idiot! Love me and yo love all!. Thats it. ! NO more!" He flew across the room to group of shy young ladies from the Victorian age and introduced himself as the unseen.

Outside the room a great grand oak tree stood, upon its boney elephant skin wrecked messages sent to those that reeked of sugarplum icing said so many things all useless and polysyllabic. He finally turned to the one he lost so long ago. His blood wound still visible from the heartbreak. he stared and stared at her angel eyes. A tear welled and fell on the clovers at their feet. "" MY LoVE , my Love why why why why why!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

On the horizon the sun was reflected off the steel and glass skyscrapers standing like the evil watchers that own the world. The forests yell out in vain at the devils that stand so tall and immovable. "'They shall be defeated .! Victory will be ours I promise you, my unnnecessary friends. Love and chaos , true redempotion.! Love those that hate you!" He eyed the elder off who lent in alittle. He resonated with perfumed quiet as he stood and watched the yearning broken children in grey and red stockings. "I endure scorn for your sake and shame covers my face I am a stranger and alien to my brothers" He weeps loudly.
The sweet girl approaches in red velvet cloak green vined and she takes the stealthy son and hugs him very very tightly without prejudice. With great joy he cries out with great pain.

Time passed. In the distance from one of the evil skyscrapers an office clerk jumps to his death. A child cheers. They all watch in wonder. Then another suit jumps and another. Then all the skyscrapers are gradually emptied by suicide.. All glare in shy ecstacy at this wonderful momentous event. "The unseen has done what he said! The love was too much! Look at them jump. Its our victory broithers and ladies. Our victory!!!
They all look for him but no one can see him. the Unseen seems to have just gone. The sweet girl in velvet red begins to sob. Their saviuor is gone . never to be seen again.

Uponce a leaf in the Forest of forests The unseen sways on a windy leaf smiling at the sun. The forest protects and loves him and holds him tight. But the blood from THe WOund still drips like the mornin dew. In the distance a lone office clerk stands amongst the sucided, she looks out at the forest and sneers. A paperboy grabs all the papers and throws them up high into the air and the children are finallyallowed to play in the streets again.

The office clerk puts a gun to her forehead. ""Not yet, not yet, I will find those bastards first then Ill end it What do you think you idiot?" The cleaner besides her smirks sadly and hits itself on the head" "Whatever you say missy, I just want to go home and watch the SImPSoNS, Eh? Dont you? "" ........ " Are they still on ? ...Well, I guess we can. Lets go, dude"

bloodREDwhite: mind time

2009-07-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

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the hearth

2009-07-06T00:49:00.000-07:00

as if from a timeless and spaceless space we removed ourselves from this shameless village. The proud stern town crier declared" We men are of pure heart. We are full of love and want to share it with all who pass". The villagers laughed and the children hissed and booed. The women werent to happy either. The town crier cried. Friendly fusion. And without the serious intent that some would impose upon the current events. in shame he withdrew.

From the city limits long dark shadows pierced and shattered the banality festival.

They were of forgotten times. Time to die Mr Kong.

In we went with Love and joy to share with the lost selves. hovering over a bottomless pit I sank into boundless despair.

bloodREDwhite: flamin denizens

2009-06-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

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bloodREDwhite: flamin denizens

2009-06-11T05:28:00.000-07:00

bloodREDwhite: flamin denizens

flamin denizens

2009-06-11T04:40:00.000-07:00

I glided down from heavens above, "What is that!' she cried". Like the winds through the finest of trees so are my memories of thee. I sat with her naked besides roots bursting from Mother Earth, an oak tree skin message , a dark romantic merit of sacred desire. Electric flash between two points and that was that. It began. A flurry and surging burst of true spiritual LUST. Upon the breakable crystal air a riot of colour spun her on to the path of Vermillion.

The next age began

"my bEloved , you are the altar on which the sacrifice must occur" she whispered. A fierce fiery eyed servant boy with dragon blood cheeks turned to his dazzling angel, a smile for her shone like the sun. " Anything for my true Love tonight" Anything for the heroic zeitgeist he wished to claim for his darkest dears. " Be My butcher, my Love , rampage tear and rush unrestrained so that the filthy earth may see red, day and fucking night"

Horizon sky lit by reflected red of bloodied earth. Screams for the love denied. She screamed
" Cataclysm our starting point, annihilation our revelation!!!" OH my LOve I am eternal of you. We ate depressive sorrow together in the half light of the full moon. They sat across the altar, intersection of myth and history.
He looked into her knowing eyes and fell into the black hole. It did not seem right at the time but the war had begun.
He read it in the papers the day before, while he was waiting in depressive posture for those god awful late buses . " Fuck!!" he screamed out loud. Everyone turned. He swung around at all the dumb office clerks staring " The buses you know, Im not mad ya know" A smart ass somebody said " You could have fooled me". And he was exactly right For tonight ya know He could have fooled anybody tonight and every night his true identity the maddest wildest joker trickster jackal and wolf he like did become.

It was all for the good of the neighbourhood. They all knew that. but as ususal they just took him for granted and swam away down the nearest river they could find. He waited for the lovely women to turn up but most nights well lets be honest all nights this did not arise.

He stopped one fellow in the street who told him to shove off. He said ""what Shove off. We are not in london, you know." "oh Yes we bloody well are." He looked around and to his surprising shock and all he bloody well was.
Oh and then he looked up in the black sky and she was staring in anger at him ...... and then the doorbell rang. But for whom , my lusty dark friends and fiends for whom? Oh oh oh ........ who?

feral friction

2009-02-10T23:46:00.000-08:00

From the darkest night I swam to her like a dove to juiced up stamen. She was waiting. What a gal? Consistent feather texture upon the velvetine moonlight, asteroids and their brothers burst fire upon the black sheen of the welkin. Oh welkin. oh welderman, welderman where have you gone I see you lying on your back like all hope compressed away. Do you know what I mean silly friendly fiends? I looked behind me in the shadows and a forest and then, then I remember. I remembered.
It was you all along. Yes it was you my strange drugfilled confidant. I was sent for... Yes I was sent for ...like the wind throught the fertile trees so are my memories of thee. I staggered on towards the frightened child struck down and debauched waiting in the astonishing wind. Statesmanlike and depraved I made my way towards my beautiful child. Child open big blue eyes why did you cry why do you cry even now? Are you still waiting for the Welderman? Oh Welderman Welderman where did she go? Why did you stop playing with that deep surreal innocence? She waits for you. Still ... and calm in the Goddsent whirlwind shaven by the day.

Armoured rescuer spellbound in fatality!! The lord asks you to awaken!! Go to her where she lay sweet and aspiring to docile blood red caress. White knight how many white nights before you plunge the Graillian impossible monolith into her waiting soapy mound and worship the evolutionary atomic anarchy burst the world's anodyne heart asunder..... Unbridled eyes turned away from her scene and lost for words leaned over then and turned up the damn radio....
"Hey ma hey ma can you please turn off that damn radio? Oh please? Mother." Mother Oh brother another thing I forgot to mention.......

ascent mad

2009-01-27T07:58:00.000-08:00

a framed inchoate sadness filled the field of nobody. they prayed for her a somebody who everybody did not really care about. counting fortward into the darkness the shamed light of legacy failed to ignite and the damned fools expected the fire fights of yore that so shook the world. unbroken bitches fight for the darkest of the night but yet they fail for alll is in its own form of knowing yet not belonging for it dont mean much to be here with he who was and yet in for him a debt
he paddled furnhisd cushioned survival an obdurate failure on the part of the dead light that surroundeD them that gave birth to all who should have been. A vulgar representation of the simple love of ugly love may all those that ever knew and have ever known may they always forget and never be forgiven and for them to eternal hell for their discretion motherfuckers it could have been more then than what it was but it became and then the lights flat blue red dark violet broken darkness became for them as night of the deepest shame and humiliation. I sprung forth and there fore became what was the the most and always the deepest forthcoming of true objjject self justification

born dead

2009-01-18T21:28:00.000-08:00

Fishing on the blue glass lake I look for the reflection of you. I search in the murky depths the lines and the debts Green fields of morning sadness bounce off the glittering sky. Oh my beautiful one why do you bleed when the wounds are on me? Time to proclaim to the bowels of the sea how our love is twisted and deformed beyond fuzzy. Aerated menstruum uponce my once steady fingers a drip drip drip forms a sad font where the trees once stayed. Dried broken bones grey and alone adrift on the tides of her sad song, a whisper and sigh for the ones who had died pretending fake lands were there all along. I swam through the sea thawed and miasmic I could see those bright blue eyes glaring with the foamy shame of the nights we shared and sang away like the millibars of the oxygenated cyclones on our path.

Again for one last time lets sing to the stars and sun and the grey bone moon for each to theirs and the devil to whom. Juicy blood stream, giver of life dont fail me now that I have found her wonderful splice. Clot bloated gore and indecent night hail to the winds and the lustfilled fights . Renewal through her ethereal form an amoeba so well attached I draw her near with my lugubrious smile and exalt in the bedewed madness that makes our love alive. In her meadow of moist red we splash and we flock to the innocent days that the universe laid out. The mermaid Calypso sang as we watched, and from one of the caves the god of Black Night had decided to return............... mAN damn man damn

numb her

2008-12-29T13:41:00.000-08:00

I found out the hard way. It was really hard to take. To take and be awoken, unsung and defeated in the moment of great rapture. I did know her quite well though. She was a beautiful child. A significant other of the elite sort. I could see it all coming. Such a damnable ominous sign I should have seen it all for what it was. A foreboding of the knock out kind. "I do love you "she said softly, "I mean I love you as much as any monster can". Man, o man, what a drop from the clouds. Her of all people. Jesus man. How doomed is my nightmare existence for fucks sake. Not her as well god please no you can not do this to me. Not here not now. No there. No fair. Jasmine flavored lips oh what sighs of yours have sunk great ships. Silent whispers of yore makes no sense unless you are. On the edge of this violent blood red cliffed night. I see the violet clouds of the approaching storm like the flight of the great black angels of the fall. All scarlet crimson purple shadows of the light.

She whispered into my droopy ear "You goodam melancholic fool" Well may she might. Once a doting pixelated lover transformed into the beastly unhinged demented hysterical drivelling idiot you see before you. Oh my brothers and sisters filled with marble numbness that keeps things grey I request that you behold the majesty of unrequited love. Or unlove requited. WE did love dont get me wrong but truth in the end kills. Livid violet of the sunken heart I request the sweeping plains of the forgotten desert. Peek be curious . Squinny if you will but do not look away. It is very much like a train wreck when the starry nights spiral into the void. "Into the void ? What damn void!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" .....she screamed at the teller.

mind time

2008-12-06T20:10:00.000-08:00

If I had just searched ahead of time ahead of everybody, the world would have fallen into my lap. But the damn Lamp of the world turned away in the last few days of you. Then I only had the darkness to find my way. To find you. I just ran out of time and before long you were gone, my sad angel. So I headed towards the horizon. Alone and weary. I looked up from my wartorn state and there in the oasic sights I saw it all. There waiting was the city of dreams on the edge of it all. In the sky on the night's dawn. The whole goddam KINgdom just waiting. Off there in the distance Lit by the sun reflected in the glass of jagged skyscrapers. Drawn Like a miracle to the light I was spewed out of the savage rotten toilet green bad dreams of my youth and rent forward towards the glittering diamond city night.

My heart racing and with short breath I advanced towards the reflections of the dark city light. With new found strength and fortitude I dragged that heavy soul on and on and on. An image of all that could have and should have been passed before my line of sight. Oh what unfound joy, what infusion of porcelain esteem. The time for revelling in the Age Of Saturn had more or less begun. The nymphs had arrived and I could see their oh so delicate smiles from so many miles away. Time for playing, time for high jinks my good friends. I turned I looked behind at the endless dark that went on and on. Tears flowed for It could not be undone no matter how pure and how genius. The Reformation had failed. It was TIMe for The RevoLutioN!!!! Time to look forward. The force of abandon had not only arrived but joined in the GLEE. Sparkling romp. The delight of the frolic. In the face of the diamond night he had once again become unrepining and irrepressible. Yet Again like a tonic he rejoined the radiant. Minutes later in the embrace of a beaming nude nymph upon the heights of fancy he for no purpose had this simple shattering thought .... " for how long then , for how fucking long this time" ......

Post partum

2008-12-02T21:29:00.000-08:00

He screamed as he fell miles and miles without halt. It was without end. The void unending burnt into his soul and seared his skin as he sheared the uneven old stone sides. Bleeding profusely from the brutality of the void he was only bothered by this gnawing knot in his heart. Would it ever go away? Sure he was wrong sure he should not have been so selfish sure he should have given into the love that would have freed him eternal. He really really really thought after all the sins and selfishness even after all the mindless self obsession that OUr Great Lord Our Master would in the end just see things his way. After all this boy had suffered suffered much when he was younger. He was incredibly familiar with that damned face of misery and at such a tender age. Even in his youth he was nothing. Yet he felt he deserved that ride that delivered him the great revealing shield of redemption. He felt that he was still contained shades of the innocent and still contained what made souls good, yes good . No matter how badly behaved this son of a bitch had become he still had the right to be loved and loved well ....... by an angel, no human... yes an angel.... he deserved an angel... he could not love humans.

He just thought that well he still deserved what love could offer. But it seemed the tide had turned against him. The golden cosmos had finally shunned the light from our poor young humble chump. Geez he really really wished it would return but there was a resounding NO written in the air. Oh my poor boy how I wish you could have seen in the light but now that darkness has fallen and become visible presently it is too late. You run behind the others left behind in the shadows left behind the saving grace of the pure redeeming light that you seemed not to deserve but was God given. And now, you see you threw it all Away and it will take a miracle of sorts to Bring the sweet visions back. Oh my poor boy what have you done to yourself... O O my poor boy.... My Poor poor Boy!!!! Boy of constant sorrow looks behind in sad silent pose hoping for a return. Empty horizon will you let up the sun?? Wait....... there is something coming....

sentenced to forty

2008-11-30T21:51:00.000-08:00

It was the year my heart broke and all through the night not a creature was stirring not even a hippo. "I do not think there is anything really wrong with him Jerry its just his goddam attitude. I mean you know he could have been somebody he could have been an office clerk instead of a complete and utter bum which is what he is" the doctor said to the man present and whoever else wanted to listen. I was ignored like the proverbial cockroach all those around him thought I was. The specimen was all i was to those selfish scheming bastards. A nut wit with no future and no spine enough for the big bad world. Oh yeah plenty of spice , plenty of bloody dash especially after downing a few if not many for want of a better word, spirit. But just no bloody use to this wonderful endearing society of ours. They all had a good hard look at yours truly shook their heads and walked off to something a little more perky in the lives of drudgery.

I stared hard at the floor for what felt like almost oh i would say a minute before the sweat off my brow shook me from my daydream stupor. I loved that bastard I thought. Without him I could not get away with a thing. No meds, no drugs , no welfare. He gave up on me along time ago but his homosexual tendencies kept me in his good books for over ten bloody years. You see I was a pretty boy and pretty boys are taken care of by the gay middle class elite. Oh for the life of a choir boy I thought. But I was straight i think. You seeI adore girls and in some cases they adore me. Look see here I have just realised something. And he falls into the dark....

Waning moon

2008-11-28T15:57:00.000-08:00

Broken heart. I adore you my unmended heart. You scream out to them for release and redemption. The deafening silence blinds you yet you go on and on and on. You dream poor heart for a love that is blind. You scream for love that has gone. Yearning for so long for what has gone forever. In the days of night you beg for light and they just pass you. They cannot see you no more. She will not see you anymore. O nightmare heart why continue .... to dream. He sent for you, awake. Awake magnificent heart!!! Death in life stirs for the sheer heights in you. Create for me o dear LOVE a world where VIctory wields strength. She has turned from you forever but you o broken and burnt and serated, climb on. All turn away in shame and humiliation but I will cover you. A veil of golden white sprays forth the seafoamshame into your enemies glaring eyes and screaming they shall fall at your feet for drowning you in their judgements . Arise pure heart great LOVe of The World Shall ONc eAGain Be REstored!!!!!!!!!! Climb on!!

Untitled wars

2008-11-28T01:08:00.000-08:00

Born dead. Thats what they said anyway. At least a broken leg and then let the cards fall where they may. I thought about it for quite a long time before they decided to hunt me down in the hospital. Just another one bites the dust they say. They say thats what they say these days. i hope your all aware of the current state of play. A famous cynic once said Who gives a fuck. i completely agree next time this happens someone is going to pay. i tried to get back inside the machine but there was no way my friends. Geez it was only one day we were all only one day old. In the end I came upon a sleeping swan who dreamt of me when I was a kid . It awoke and in a way spoke. Spoke of the hard years. The hard years of gruesome ponds and demented eels and freezing summers. Its plight along with many others underscored the state of play. Skimming thats what we have been reduced to, skimmiing for air and the right to succeed in a world full of the dead. We all see ourselves zombied and drowned and torn by the weary light. I love you. I still love you.