numb her

I found out the hard way. It was really hard to take. To take and be awoken, unsung and defeated in the moment of great rapture. I did know her quite well though. She was a beautiful child. A significant other of the elite sort. I could see it all coming. Such a damnable ominous sign I should have seen it all for what it was. A foreboding of the knock out kind. "I do love you "she said softly, "I mean I love you as much as any monster can". Man, o man, what a drop from the clouds. Her of all people. Jesus man. How doomed is my nightmare existence for fucks sake. Not her as well god please no you can not do this to me. Not here not now. No there. No fair. Jasmine flavored lips oh what sighs of yours have sunk great ships. Silent whispers of yore makes no sense unless you are. On the edge of this violent blood red cliffed night. I see the violet clouds of the approaching storm like the flight of the great black angels of the fall. All scarlet crimson purple shadows of the light.

She whispered into my droopy ear "You goodam melancholic fool" Well may she might. Once a doting pixelated lover transformed into the beastly unhinged demented hysterical drivelling idiot you see before you. Oh my brothers and sisters filled with marble numbness that keeps things grey I request that you behold the majesty of unrequited love. Or unlove requited. WE did love dont get me wrong but truth in the end kills. Livid violet of the sunken heart I request the sweeping plains of the forgotten desert. Peek be curious . Squinny if you will but do not look away. It is very much like a train wreck when the starry nights spiral into the void. "Into the void ? What damn void!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" .....she screamed at the teller.

mind time

If I had just searched ahead of time ahead of everybody, the world would have fallen into my lap. But the damn Lamp of the world turned away in the last few days of you. Then I only had the darkness to find my way. To find you. I just ran out of time and before long you were gone, my sad angel. So I headed towards the horizon. Alone and weary. I looked up from my wartorn state and there in the oasic sights I saw it all. There waiting was the city of dreams on the edge of it all. In the sky on the night's dawn. The whole goddam KINgdom just waiting. Off there in the distance Lit by the sun reflected in the glass of jagged skyscrapers. Drawn Like a miracle to the light I was spewed out of the savage rotten toilet green bad dreams of my youth and rent forward towards the glittering diamond city night.

My heart racing and with short breath I advanced towards the reflections of the dark city light. With new found strength and fortitude I dragged that heavy soul on and on and on. An image of all that could have and should have been passed before my line of sight. Oh what unfound joy, what infusion of porcelain esteem. The time for revelling in the Age Of Saturn had more or less begun. The nymphs had arrived and I could see their oh so delicate smiles from so many miles away. Time for playing, time for high jinks my good friends. I turned I looked behind at the endless dark that went on and on. Tears flowed for It could not be undone no matter how pure and how genius. The Reformation had failed. It was TIMe for The RevoLutioN!!!! Time to look forward. The force of abandon had not only arrived but joined in the GLEE. Sparkling romp. The delight of the frolic. In the face of the diamond night he had once again become unrepining and irrepressible. Yet Again like a tonic he rejoined the radiant. Minutes later in the embrace of a beaming nude nymph upon the heights of fancy he for no purpose had this simple shattering thought .... " for how long then , for how fucking long this time" ......

Post partum

He screamed as he fell miles and miles without halt. It was without end. The void unending burnt into his soul and seared his skin as he sheared the uneven old stone sides. Bleeding profusely from the brutality of the void he was only bothered by this gnawing knot in his heart. Would it ever go away? Sure he was wrong sure he should not have been so selfish sure he should have given into the love that would have freed him eternal. He really really really thought after all the sins and selfishness even after all the mindless self obsession that OUr Great Lord Our Master would in the end just see things his way. After all this boy had suffered suffered much when he was younger. He was incredibly familiar with that damned face of misery and at such a tender age. Even in his youth he was nothing. Yet he felt he deserved that ride that delivered him the great revealing shield of redemption. He felt that he was still contained shades of the innocent and still contained what made souls good, yes good . No matter how badly behaved this son of a bitch had become he still had the right to be loved and loved well ....... by an angel, no human... yes an angel.... he deserved an angel... he could not love humans.

He just thought that well he still deserved what love could offer. But it seemed the tide had turned against him. The golden cosmos had finally shunned the light from our poor young humble chump. Geez he really really wished it would return but there was a resounding NO written in the air. Oh my poor boy how I wish you could have seen in the light but now that darkness has fallen and become visible presently it is too late. You run behind the others left behind in the shadows left behind the saving grace of the pure redeeming light that you seemed not to deserve but was God given. And now, you see you threw it all Away and it will take a miracle of sorts to Bring the sweet visions back. Oh my poor boy what have you done to yourself... O O my poor boy.... My Poor poor Boy!!!! Boy of constant sorrow looks behind in sad silent pose hoping for a return. Empty horizon will you let up the sun?? Wait....... there is something coming....

sentenced to forty

It was the year my heart broke and all through the night not a creature was stirring not even a hippo. "I do not think there is anything really wrong with him Jerry its just his goddam attitude. I mean you know he could have been somebody he could have been an office clerk instead of a complete and utter bum which is what he is" the doctor said to the man present and whoever else wanted to listen. I was ignored like the proverbial cockroach all those around him thought I was. The specimen was all i was to those selfish scheming bastards. A nut wit with no future and no spine enough for the big bad world. Oh yeah plenty of spice , plenty of bloody dash especially after downing a few if not many for want of a better word, spirit. But just no bloody use to this wonderful endearing society of ours. They all had a good hard look at yours truly shook their heads and walked off to something a little more perky in the lives of drudgery.

I stared hard at the floor for what felt like almost oh i would say a minute before the sweat off my brow shook me from my daydream stupor. I loved that bastard I thought. Without him I could not get away with a thing. No meds, no drugs , no welfare. He gave up on me along time ago but his homosexual tendencies kept me in his good books for over ten bloody years. You see I was a pretty boy and pretty boys are taken care of by the gay middle class elite. Oh for the life of a choir boy I thought. But I was straight i think. You seeI adore girls and in some cases they adore me. Look see here I have just realised something. And he falls into the dark....

Waning moon

Broken heart. I adore you my unmended heart. You scream out to them for release and redemption. The deafening silence blinds you yet you go on and on and on. You dream poor heart for a love that is blind. You scream for love that has gone. Yearning for so long for what has gone forever. In the days of night you beg for light and they just pass you. They cannot see you no more. She will not see you anymore. O nightmare heart why continue .... to dream. He sent for you, awake. Awake magnificent heart!!! Death in life stirs for the sheer heights in you. Create for me o dear LOVE a world where VIctory wields strength. She has turned from you forever but you o broken and burnt and serated, climb on. All turn away in shame and humiliation but I will cover you. A veil of golden white sprays forth the seafoamshame into your enemies glaring eyes and screaming they shall fall at your feet for drowning you in their judgements . Arise pure heart great LOVe of The World Shall ONc eAGain Be REstored!!!!!!!!!! Climb on!!

Untitled wars

Born dead. Thats what they said anyway. At least a broken leg and then let the cards fall where they may. I thought about it for quite a long time before they decided to hunt me down in the hospital. Just another one bites the dust they say. They say thats what they say these days. i hope your all aware of the current state of play. A famous cynic once said Who gives a fuck. i completely agree next time this happens someone is going to pay. i tried to get back inside the machine but there was no way my friends. Geez it was only one day we were all only one day old. In the end I came upon a sleeping swan who dreamt of me when I was a kid . It awoke and in a way spoke. Spoke of the hard years. The hard years of gruesome ponds and demented eels and freezing summers. Its plight along with many others underscored the state of play. Skimming thats what we have been reduced to, skimmiing for air and the right to succeed in a world full of the dead. We all see ourselves zombied and drowned and torn by the weary light. I love you. I still love you.